i've been through hell and NOT back

well, i am back but not really..
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huh?
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scratch that.last week was definitely hell!and it was only the beginning!darnit!i was so scared i felt like crying even during class!well, obviously i'm talking about school.college is no joke.and i realize this now, why?*sigh*i may be 17, but my heart is that of a seven year old.man those books are expensive!and i'll only be using them for 5 months!imagine that.i think i spent..500, 538, 290, 695..how much is that?and i still have to spend..585, 510, 370, and some for the New American Bible.do we have to have the same kinda Bible?!i mean c'mon! it's understood that they contain the same thing!
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i dont want to rant about school anymore..i wanna cry! damn the tears!i texted my mom last wednesday and told her about what i felt.it surprised me that she called.i went out the room so that nobody would hear the sobs.both me and me mom cried our little hearts out over the phone. heehee.i wept about school, she wept about the family.we had this argument about responsibilities nights ago via YM.she said she hasnt been online since then.she felt that we didnt need her anymore.heck, i cried even harder.it's just so sad when the one who's away from the loving reach of the rest of the family, who's also working for that family, is the one who felt unwanted.i love my family so much.even though we have a lot o' problems, we go through them together and we're still standing!it's funny.the older i get, the more i crave to be with my family.i'm supposed to be learning independence! haha!but i dont want that!even when i'm working i want my family to be with me!when i go on vacations, i'm takin 'em with me!
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hey! happy papi day!we were eating lunch, me, my bro and a cousin.dad went up and said hi.my bro and my cuz greeted, "happyfathersdaybowliiing!"haha! dad said what. and i joined in, "happyfathersdaybowliiing!"haha! that was fun! dad said they werent gonna go bowling.shooting! they were gonna go shooting! dad ignored the rants and said that i should go with my aunt coz they were leaving in a few for davao, so that i wouldnt have to commute. i said okay, finished lunch. dad went to the window and asked if i was sure that i wanted to go shooting. damn the tears again!its been a really long while since the family did sports together! and i really wanted to go. but i couldnt.i had to leave. i had a lot of heavy bags to bring plus newly wahed and ironed uniforms. there was no way i was getting on a bus.on the road to davao..darnit! damn the friggin tears! darnit!
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i just finished all i could do for tonight.all but review chapter1 of accounting.i'll do it tomorrow. i'm wakin up early anyways.well, off to bed.that's my update.
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oh wait!haha! did you know?!me - the firstchristine - the exyvonne - the future?marvin - the guywe're all in the same school!haha! i have no idea how to react to that.i have no idea what i felt about it when i realized it.happy, sad, angry, challenged, jealous..one thing's for sure i definitely am pissed.
thanks for readn, have a good one